Smokin dem' Spliffstix

I'm Gonna Be a STAR!!

2006-10-05T11:09:00.000-04:00

I know what you're thinking, and it's true: In this big, crazy universe, gaseous regions with the density and heat required to ignite deuterium fusion are a dime a dozen. Any wannabe can overcome internal pressure in order to initiate gravitational collapse. But you're dead wrong if you think I'm going to let that stop me.

I'm more than some molecular cloud with the potential to have an unstable core, and I won't just be almost undetectable molecular hydrogen forever. I've got what it takes. Stardom, here I come!

Here I am, stuck in some podunk H II region not even visible to the naked eye. Do I let that get me down? No way. Sure, the Horsehead and Crab Nebulas have all the star-making rep, and if you're a young and hungry mass of interstellar dust, gas, and plasma, they say it's not who you are, but the supernovae you know.

All I need is that one Big Break to show you what I'm really made of. Point me in the direction of some cataclysmic, entropic, destabilizing explosion, and look out, Milky Way!

Yes sir, once I get that fusion of heavy hydrogen underway, there's no holding me back. After that, it'll only take a couple hundred millennia before I'm on the scene in full effect!.

I'm gonna outshine everything for light-years around. The universe is just going to have to make room for this rising circumstellar disc. After all, when you've got that kind of electromagnetism, everything revolves around you.

I realize the outward pressure of the resultant radiation could slow me down—happens to the hottest stars out there. But I'll be goddamned if I muddle around in the obscurity of gradual accretion just to end up as some pathetic, ancient black dwarf that no longer even registers in the visible spectrum.

When I get there, I'll work even harder, ceaselessly raining down my remaining cloud matter until everyone recognizes me. If I just fight through all the negative energy from the bipolar flow, the solar masses of the Bok globules I create will be higher than this quadrant has ever seen. You'll see!

Twinkle, twinkle, little star? Hardly. I'm going to be hot. The hottest.

Of course, lesser bodies will try to get in my orbit and share my intense light. Any binary relationships I may have with other stars will be placed under the telescope as well. But it will all be worth it, and every body that comes in contact with me will have to understand that when the time comes to expand exponentially—well, I can't be held responsible for those destroyed.

I know that stars that hot only last one, three million years, tops. But it's better to explode with 100,000,000,000,000,000 times the solar luminosity than it is to fade away!!!

Don't cry for me, though: My legacy will extend far beyond your lifetime.

After my spectacular collapse due to hot-and-fast living, you'll look up, and I'll be as bright as ever.

No one will even know I'm gone.

Not for at least 600 million years, anyway

Birezshnikough

2006-09-16T08:33:00.000-04:00

Grancriznappy Lizzy Long Pegs sez...?

None on the wall....

D/P vs. just for when?

2006-09-16T08:12:00.000-04:00

It's important within the aquarium to be quirky and confusing... A yonder plank upon the tank leading all my critters confused and makin a stank...

I've explored the county lines... I've inspected every chug-a-lug-a-cough-spit-tizzity-tang-wang-lug...

There is no trans-fat in Bacardi.

I still have problems with the "Superior" thing...

Bacardi is better than me?

I have a newsflash for you Ron!

Exterminate JUDEN!

2006-08-19T03:47:00.000-04:00

There is a "click"... it's a clock sorta click but i can't find it!

It was a false alert! I feel so insane. I even woke my friend Jon up to listen to the al-Queda bomb that was ticking in our air conditioner here at the Motel 8, which I can assure you is in the "Top 10 Terrorist Places" - which according to my publisher will be out soon...

Our cleaning lady was a terrorist. I said "towels" she said "no understand english".

What the hell?

"No understand english?"

TERRORIST!

I said, trying to be a teacher,
"Its is I do not understand english"

She smiled and starting talking to me in tongues.
I, thankfully, chased her down.
I took a roll of toilet tissue and said "Butt Ribbon"
She was confused, but said "OK"

I should have said:
"Excuse me, I feel uncuncurrent in this inquiry yet our domicile is currently fresh out of booty-napkins."

After the booty-napkins comment she starts walking down the hall...

(the music kick in here! maybe Santana!!)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZzz,, and then starts tommorow!
The LSD nights of being awake waiting for "housecleaning"! "get out"! are over!

I've decided that instead of being a rock star I want to help poor people, either that or I could run for Governor with a "down with the wetbacks" campaign...

I'll never be famous. These days I can scream NIGGER from anywhere I stand... I might get in a fight, but probably not... I hear that nigger gangs are having a hard time protecting territory from the greasers, i mean navajo's, i mean.....

The niggers and the crackers finally have something in common!
1950-1990 it was the KKK and the communists
1990-2005 it's wetbacks!

They're taking over! The worst thing to say, but reality is, get over it!

Us CRACKERS and NIGGERS need to come together!! If we join together we can better fight the SPICS and WETBACKS!

And you can all lick the back of my unchanged underwear if you find it offensive. Jews have a strip of land smaller than Compton and the world seems to think they don't have a right to defend it.

Hello??? Hitler killed 6 MILLION Jews. 50% ... there are 6 million left! all jokes aside, USA stands between the rest of the FINAL SOLUTION!

***IF we pull out, the exterminations will start again!!***

Our crackers and niggers are fighting for something far bigger.

Paint it up, package it any way you want, even americans hate america these days...

No one is really standing for anything but the REAL QUESTION is:

Should America (continue) to prevent the extermination of Jews?

This is a YES or NO question.

Quitters never win!!

2006-08-19T02:47:00.000-04:00

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.

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I control every single one of you!

.

I fart in your mouth in the morning and you love me for doing it!

.

You drink out of a beer can full of my warm piss and still find time to get your knees dirty!

I harass you constantly to re-inforce the fact that you are the peices of shit that I know you are, that you wanted to be, and that you still wish you could have been!

I answer my phone on rare occasions! To talk to the walking dead!

I dance naked alone in my EMPTY SPACE! I have pictures of caskets and a photocopy of your faces (and your families) in each and every one!

I was put on this planet to finger your corpse! To scrape my fingernails inside of every open orafice of your body - just so I can suck and lick and flap my tongue underneath each and every nail, until they are clean!

I was created to drink the blood as it runs out of your veins! I want to stab you in the neck and shove a tube in your vein!

I want to slice your ankle and blow into the tube and drink the blood that runs out!

I want to swallow you until I am bloated!

Everything about you makes me want to see you suffer!

I will keep you alive as long as I can!

In a burn unit!

I want your skin on a "Saltine" cracker, with cheese!

I pray for hours every night that I can see you die.

I can picture you curled up like a baby when I piss on you!

I will hold my hand over your mouth.

I'll lick the sides of your face as you try to pray.

I'll have my hand behind your neck. When you try to pray I will spit in your mouth!

I will force you to look at me!

As life fades I'll be the last thing you see! And I want to cut the eye out of your face and put it in a bottle... on a shelf!

This is my only prayer!

I'll fuck you and make you last!

A lot better than you ever fucked me!

You scumbag son of a bitch!

2006-08-19T02:13:00.000-04:00

Abbey Belgian Style

2006-08-18T10:06:00.000-04:00

Once in a while it crosses the brain of us pathetic limp-bizquick laced manginas that even with whip-itz we're still rolling down a hill!

A $1.00 gutter whore who I am better than to discuss gave me her number:

I am a gentleman -- so apart from every Texaco and BP station south of the Manson-Nixon line -- I will respect her!

She told me that I needed to find my "NUTZ"

I gotsta find my NUTZ!

(this aint a joke! it's a gangsta thang!)

I gotsta find my NUTZ!

This is da TANG dat da ladies durrint be understa-stang
Dey tink its all a joke poon-tang thang stang down with the sickness - wa ah ah ah...

I want a REAL woman. And a REAL woman knows how to manage a TEA BAG!

In Loving Memory

2006-08-12T21:50:00.000-04:00

For those of you who visited Rowdy's apartment in Buckhead, it is a sad day.

He was a wonderful host and never complained that I lived in his apartment. Kryxtyn and all of my friends were always welcome and apart from the walk-in closet that was "off-limits"Rowdy was always a wonderful entertainer.

Rowdy was a pure-breed Basset given to me in 2000 from my gay friends at work. Rowdy, however, is straight and is very rude if you play with his butt.

Being a musician, I taught him many songs and he was good with sign language...

I taught him to "speak" when I held my hand up in an "L" shape. Teasing him about being a "Looooozer"... but, in the end, he is a rock star!!!

"What are you gonna raise Rowdy????"

ROOF ROOF ROOF

"What's on fire? What's on fire Rowdy????"

ROOF ROOF ROOF

She's pouting and scowling...

2006-08-12T02:40:00.000-04:00

I'm very upset about the fact that I can't carry toothpaste, saline solution, and deodorant on a plane. I am taking a flight to Arkansas in four days and I'm doubtful that the sanitary products I require will be available out there 'amoungst them folks'. (I'll loan them the "u" if necessary)

It's not like I shave, shower, or brush my teeth on a regular basis - it's just the general principal that SHOULD I decide to make personal hygiene a priority, I suddenly feel regulated...

I'm going from four wipes per sitting to three...

I am in full protest mode.

Stab me in the eye with a #2 pencil - please!

2006-08-09T15:20:00.000-04:00

Not much to report lately. A wonderful flu last week and a terribly busy work and school schedule this week has me more drained than a triple-header with the local gutter whore. I don't think I have any bodily fluids left.

If I could be anywhere at the moment it would be in boat in ancient Egypt, melting into a milk bath, being admired by servants rubbing and stroking my nubile body, fanning me with palm leaves, and feeding me fresh fruit and grapes.

Instead, it's just me and the diaper lady.

Anybody got a pencil sharpener I can borrow?

Snap, crackle, and pop are in the meadow!!

2006-07-28T08:47:00.000-04:00

We have decided to add a bass player to the band lineup. And he is none other than my good pal Stevie Turnip. We feel that he will add an element to the music and the image of the band that will help us reach new audiences!!

Look out for the new album!!!

He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?

Playin' me for a Fool !!

2006-07-27T15:06:00.000-04:00

I withheld my monthly $18 contribution from Mtumbe Chigumbura in Zimbabwe this month.

Mtumbe, 12, lives in an orphanage in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe's second largest city. He has been in the orphanage since he was nine after both of his parents succumbed to the AIDS virus.

My decision to withhold payment was sparked by the adolescent's reckless, spendthrift actions, as evidenced in Mtumbe's recent letter.

"Thank you once again for your generous gift. I was able to get my [immunization] shots and enough milk and flour to feed myself and to buy some new clothes for school. Because milk was cheaper this month, I had a little money left over and was able [to buy materials] to fix my football, or, as you call it in America, soccer ball."

I personally feel that if Mtumbe wants to better his lot in life he should be saving for the future and not wasting money on every little fancy, football, or childish whim.

This isn't the first impulse buy on my dime. Last month he bought a crutch for one of his amputee little friends.

I could see that Mtumbe was a little free with his money, and I let it slide-- probably for too long in retrospect.

I understand boys will be boys, but if he wants a little fun money, he should get a part-time job delivering papers or clearing land mines.

Believe me, you enjoy the little extras in life all the more if you feel like you've earned them.

The Snausage Berries taste like Snausage Berries!

2006-07-19T11:36:00.000-04:00

I have recently started working in the proximity of a new lady co-worker who is quite personable - but I can't seem to overcome the baby powder scent. Usually this would not be a problem, but I find myself occasionally catching a whiff of what closely resembles the smell of a baby diaper.

There is not enough of a pattern to pinpoint the perpetrator.

(Don't practice your alliteration on me!!!)

However, I am quite concerned that there is a leakage problem that I should become aware of! This is very unsettling and quite nauseating.

There is an unmistakable nursing home aura around me through most of the day now.

Perhaps I should consider a career change - something less disgusting - like working in a landfill.

Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Tip Soup

2006-07-14T15:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm not an active poster on my blog but I'm trying to post at least a few times a week. I don't really know many other people who blog so it diminishes the enjoyment somewhat...

I've got quite a little weekend planned though, working on music to a rap song and also creating theme music for a comedy show by my soon-to-Best Supporting Actor-Grammy-winner-friend Rizush...

Got some work to do on the Grilling Bobby Hicks compilation as well. Now that the big show weekend is finally out of the way I can get some of my other projects back into full-effect.

Good times.

Aaron Cube

I'm gonna fart in your MOUF!!

2006-07-10T16:29:00.000-04:00

In spite of destroying a perfectly good guitar and butchering the song Please Have Sex with Me I was actually very pleased with the band's performance at the Ministry show. Although we didn't really spend much time watching Revco or Ministry actually play, we did a perfectly fine job of entertaining ourselves. Rush and Matt came to town which was very much-so an added bonus.

I was also thrilled to see one of my blasts-from-the-past "Cheeze-Riz" and meet her friend Funky Cold Melina. I hope to see a "lot more" of them when I visit Atlanta again!! (smirk)

Stevie Turnip was also in attendence and, without fail, spent much of the following morning in the bathroom vomiting. After a round of cheap yet refreshing Greek food for breakfast Matt and Rush headed home and Steven and I went up to his house in north Georgia for a redneck evening of cooking out, drinking cheap beer, grilling out burgers and dawgs, and watching Chappelle's show and Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Overall weekend rating: ****1/2

It would have been a five except for the fart heard round the world... Hahaha...

one eyed, one horned

2006-06-28T13:19:00.000-04:00

flying purple people eater...

there is always someone out there just bored enough...

Yesterday, I forgot my ATM card and was riding on fumes on my way home. I dug through the console and found $2.00

Is anyone away how retarded it feels to walk into a store full of people and say "$2 on pump 4" ?

I remember when $2.00 was enough gas money to get me to the artist formerly known as Lin's house and back home.

Today it buys a whopping .65 gallons

Give Rush's blog - the outernet - a whirl. It's dank.

Later beehotches and hizbo's.

Limp Bisquick

2006-06-28T00:29:00.000-04:00

I'm working on a compilation CD. Here's a list of the some of the bands that are already being featured.

Limp Bisquick
Rage Against the Coffee Machine
Naughty Snails
sTool
Bob Zombie
Stoned Temple Co-Pilots
KornHole
The Maryland Munsters
Eric's got the Clapman
Blind Watermelon
The Black Bros'
Nicklebag
Buns & Hoses
Skeet Row
Aerolocksmith

Any more suggestions???

animalfilterless menthol kings

2006-06-27T13:28:00.000-04:00

It's tough being a rockstar...

Clusterfunk in my membrane

2006-06-27T11:23:00.000-04:00

It's been a while but I've had an itch to start up my blog again.

One tube of Lanacaine, a spray can of FunGEX, and a crab-dip later I still can't shake it so....... here it is! (here it is! - b-52's - here it is)

I've recently acquired a brain tumor. Not really (I hope) - yesterday, however, I had three bouts of what appears to be a cluster headache. I've never had one, so for all I know it could be a stroke...

It feels like someone is stabbing me in the eye with an ice-pick. It happens completely out of no-where.... no symptoms, no gradual buildup, just BAM, pain... it kills for about 10 minutes and leaves me dazed and dizzy for about an hour afterwards.

It really bites!

http://www.clusterheadaches.com/about.html

On a more fun note, I was recently treated like a peice of meat by a girl. We talked everyday on the phone for two weeks. Literally hours at a time. I went to see her and spent last Saturday night with her.

It was the typical evening - a few drinks - got some tail twice that night and once in the morning - got a loving hug and a sweet kiss goodbye - even an 'I love you'.

Since then, she hasn't returned my calls or emails. I'm completely cut off. I can't help but wondering what happened...

My guess is that her and her husband made up from the fight... blah ha ha...

I was used!!!!!

It's totally awesome!!!

I think I'm in love!!!